Home for good

So I am back in my house for good with a whole lot on my mind and coupled with the recent insurance information my stress level was shooting through the roof. I was worried about my family, my job, my workers comp case, my friends, my mental status because of my lashing out, and other things that made me unhappy most of the time. A couple days after this I received another letter in the mail that stated the state was going to revoke my drivers license until I was seizure free for a minimum of six months. I was very angered by this but at the same time I understood that it was the right thing to do because the last thing on Earth that I could deal with was hurting someone else while driving because I was being selfish about my driving privileges. The snow and ice is starting to lay on the ground in NW PA and Thanksgiving has passed. My wife is back to work of course, my youngest daughter back to school, and my oldest has found a new job. I am allowed to be left alone, but still not able to be in the shower. I have to take baths which I hate, and my wife still has to help me. I am not allowed to go up or down the stairs without an escort, or as I referred to it as a babysitter. I used to like to play Call of Duty, or Black Ops, and now I can’t even do that because it causes me dizziness. I sit in my living room in the same place on the couch watching the same shows and continuing my research on the internet. Is this what I had to look forward to as my new normal. I certainly hope not. I didn’t have a whole lot to look forward to at this point, and there will be more trying times to come. I live on a very nice street in this small town and right now my main goal in life was to look out my window across the street to make sure that the Little Caesar’s was still standing and see how the business was doing. I had way too many follow up appointments with ear nose and throat Dr’s and the neurologist than I cared to talk about. I was slowly beginning to regain my voice filter as well. I noticed this for the first time while seeing the audiologist and felt like he was looking down upon me and speaking to me in a disrespectful manner. He knew how I felt based upon the way that I was answering his questions, but I never lost my filter and said things that I would not have normally said in my life. After seeing the audiologist I was told that I had some hearing deficit in my left ear. It wasn’t terrible, but I had ringing in my ear that would never go away. That was all that I was told. When I left the office I said a few choice words and went about my day. I was scheduled an appointment with a neuro psychologist at UPMC Hamot in Erie PA. I was scheduled for this appointment to check my cognitive functioning and my memory recall. The Dr. there, a former naval Dr was a very easy to get along with Dr. Much like Dr. M she was very easy to talk to and listened to my concerns as well as issue the testing at hand. I would have 6 or so appointments with Dr. B and each one was a pleasant experience. Some of the feelings that I had then actually came rushing back to me tonight while I was watching Deadliest Catch and one of the captain’s fathers was not in good health he cried and talked about how strong his father was and how he wished he could take away all of the pain and suffering his father was feeling. I felt as guilty tonight as I did back then because I knew that my family had felt the same way about me, and I felt like it was my fault that this happened. I was causing the pain that they were feeling. I was starting to attempt to venture out of the house a little bit by sneaking out out and cleaning the snow from Ann’s car, or walk across the street to get a drink. Ann was not real happy with me, but when I set my mind to something I am pretty good at accomplishing it. That is how I have gotten back to where I am today, that and the help of my family and friends. I then  started to walk to the nearby grocery store wife hated and eventually to where I work. Fortunately it is only about a half mile from here. My wife hated me for it, and she would always say to walk in the grass. It was kinda funny to hear her say that and I would laugh at her every time. She knew that she wasn’t going to be able to keep me tied down forever. I remember two occasions where I scared her to absolute death. the first was when a structure fire was called in just two houses down from where I ive and I grabbed my radio and out the door I went. My goal was to do a quick size up and let the responding crew know what they were getting into. The other which was a little further than I should have gone. I was again sitting in my normal spot and I had just happened to look out the window at the worst or best time possible, depending how you look at things. I watched a car cross the center line, go into the grass, and shear off a pole then come to rest in the yard of the house at the corner. When the pole was sheared off it went straight into the air and came straight down on to the car. i thought that it had pierced the windshield and I knew in my heart that the driver was killed instantly. I grabbed my radio and ran for the corner. My wife this time was pleading with me not to go there. When you do the type of work that I do it is second nature to do what you know to do. Fortunately when I had got there the pole had come down and landed right at the top of the vehicle where the windshield connects. The driver had a medical issue and was not injured. I tried not to anything else like that to cause unnecessary stress on my family. Looking back it was pretty selfish of me, but I didn’t see it that way at the time. Christmas time was coming and my ear bothered me all the time. I also was bothered by loud or constant noises. On Christmas day my family was going to stay at home because I decided that I would just bring them down if I went to the family gatherings. They begged me to either go with them or allow them to not go to the families gatherings. I would not have it either way. They went and spent a few hours with family while I stayed at home by myself. I was ok with that because there was no need for them to have to miss the holiday.

Three of my friends came out of no where at this time and would drop everything if I asked them too. i didn’t do that, but I did ask for transportation to appointments and court hearings which they did without question. These guys are friends of mine that have been friends for quite some time, but I would be lying if I said they were the ones that would come running through the door the fastest.

I decided around this time that I was going to meet face to face with the people who were involved with my initial accident and thank them personally for all that they had done for me and my family. I asked the police officers and firemen to come to the house so I could shake their hand and see them eye to eye. I later contacted the EMS personnel, went t the Emergency room and talked to the staff , I even was able to talk to the flight crew that flew me to Pittsburgh. The ironic part about the flight crew was that my first call back on full duty was a head injured patient that was flying from the scene. when I talked to the flight crew about the fireman that they had flown nearly a year ago.They both remembered and the one’s chin almost hit the floor and he said “guys like you shouldn’t walk again.” My Fall to Life was finally beginning to take an upturn


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