I know I said I wanted to talk about Phil Robertson a couple of posts ago, but this time of year is a very good time to bring up this subject.
Saying things and actually doing them or following through with them is very different and sometimes very difficult. The trouble is that most of the time the difficult part of completing things, or doing them is simply locked in our mind. Humans are creatures of habit. Habits are hard to break. When it comes to New Year’s resolutions this point always comes to light. I wanna lose weight, I wanna quit drinking, I wanna quit smoking, I am going to do blah blah blah. We all have things that seem like very good things to do and the intentions can be very good but then the habit part of us kicks in.
The exercise program or weight loss plan that you have began to follow lasts about as long as it takes to drive past Dairy Queen. This is not the meaning of this post but you all know by now that I can tend to sway off course.
I wanna talk about the things that are important to the people around us and things that make us feel like we are keeping with who we are or who we say we are. Most of us know that we are not going to keep our New Year resolution even though we truly do want to, but he truly important things need to have more importance to us.
I will give you my example. Shortly after I started my road to recovery I was always looking around at my friends and family and wondering what they were thinking when they looked at me. It used to consume me at the beginning. Were they thinking that I was not going to recover, or work, or drive, and so on and so on. That trend trend has almost become a part of my everyday life and a habit like I mentioned above.
I have been trying hard to let this feeling go, and along the way I have run into some speed bumps. I am going to overcome one of those speed bumps today. My speed bump is this blog. Even though I have posted it for the world to see, there are very few of my actual friends that know this blog exists. There are two reasons. First, there are some things that I have written in honesty that may offend or hurt feelings of some of my friends. Second and foremost I do not want them to see me as weak. I know this blog has nothing to do with my mental or physical strength as a human, but it is embedded in man to be strong in mind, body, and soul. Again it is habit created by the human species.
To make a long story shorter I told myself that in 2014 I was going to care less about what people think about me. This doesn’t mean that I am going to be rude or ignorant to people, it simply means that if I decide to wear a tie dyed t-shirt and my boonie cap and you don’t like it, tough. If it makes me feel comfortable and I wanna do it, guess what, its going to happen. While you are worried about the way people look at you in your uncomfortable state I am going to enjoy the hell out of my life. Look the other way or laugh, or talk about me at your dinner table for all I care. People in this country have been believing for far too long that what the media portrays is supposed to be what is fact. Comfort and happiness should be what we make of it not what we see on TV.
In a conversation last night after someone had read my blog, they asked why I hadn’t put this out for my friends to see and I explained like I did above. Well guess what. I have always been true to myself and written this blog from the heart so here we go. Go ahead and put it out there as you see fit. You know who you are and I am willing to take the step. I have to admit that this is a little scary to make this leap, but sometimes in life you just have to say “WTF”
If you are one that can not handle some truths or may have your feelings hurt by reading this blog then I caution you before you continue. With that being said. I hope you all enjoy what I am doing and the reasons for which am doing it. Read on and take it for what its worth to you. I know that it has been a great tool for me on my road to recovery and it is my way to let the bad stuff out and take some good stuff in with some of the comments that I get back. “My Fall to Life” has just entered a new chapter.