I may be telling my age here a little bit, but I really don’t care or waste my time with things that I cannot change. When I was little kid one of my favorite games used to be Chutes
and Ladders. This game may even be on the market still today, I really don’t know. My point is that the last month or so my life seems like I am in the game.
The basis of this game, if you are not familiar is to roll the dice and work your way up the board eventually to the finish. If you land on a ladder you get to move up quickly. If you land on a chute, you slide back down and then have to start over. Well I am on a chute and ladder torrent. One day I feel like things are going great and then the next I feel like I am on a super slippery chute.
I fall into nights of no sleep which then turns into sleeping more during the day. This makes me feel useless and like a slug. My wife says I am keeping to myself and not talking to her much. I think this is because I am tired, but if she says it is more than that, then it probably is. The Problem is I can’t fix a problem that I cant recognize. The last thing I wanna do is make my wife feel like I am withdrawn from her because nothing could be farther from the truth. She wants me to happy and wants me to tell her what she can do to help me feel happier. The answer to that question is “nothing,” She does nothing wrong and is an amazing woman who has been by my side as I went through war, Hurricane Katrina response, firefighting and a TBI. That would drive most women to the brink of insanity. I think she was put on this Earth to watch over me.
I like to think that it is this time of year that gets the chutes and ladders mentality going. Cabin fever for lack of better words. Living in NW PA and having a very cold Winter we all want Spring to get here and be able to get outside and enjoy nature and this earth. Until then I will keep pushing forward and not allow my moods and future to be decided by anyone but me.