The human body is a pretty amazing piece of work and the brain is even better. Is it possible to actually think about things too much, to the point where the brain and the body can’t handle it. Do they just take over and say “OK dude just chill out or we will chill you out.” Since I have been on this seemingly never ending spiral downwards I don’t know whether to believe if the answer is yes or no. That leads to further stress. Anxiety kicks in because I wonder if my body is trying to keep me in check or am I just over thinking things way too much.
I have looked over my medical transcriptions again as I have from time to time, and I catch myself thinking #1 I am a pretty lucky guy, or #2 was it not as bad as I thought. According to all of the doctors and family it was very bad and I am very lucky, but then why do i have these thoughts. Do things come full circle after an injury like mine. This may be what I posted on the last post I don’t remember. Is the “honeymoon” phase over and me being thankful going away? If it is, am I going to get more and more bitter towards the after effects until this runs full circle again. I certainly hope not. I am a genuinely good person to the core, but the questions that I have and the frustration that is coming to me about having what I have to call disabilities really makes me angry. The word disability is one that I do not use sparingly. However, when I look at myself since this injury, it is the only answer that I can come up with. The senses are some of the most important functions to a healthy and happy life.
I am actually going to stop right here. I feel like i am whining, and I should delete this post. I would if I did not make it crystal clear that this blog would be written with honesty. I am actually at a loss for what to say right now which is not my character at all.