I was watching Six Degrees of Separation tonight and a quote came up that made a heck of a lot of sense to me. It was when they were talking about the “Catcher in the Rye.” In the movie they said that the imagination has moved out of the realm of being our link, our most personal link of our inner lives…..hmmm It seems that everything is “SO IMAGINATIVE” except for our own imagination. In my opinion our imagination is now being seen as a bad thing from within ourselves. Our own imagination can be mistaken for weakness and or instability by others. “It becomes a horrifying state when what is inside one’s head does not match up with what is in the outside world.” The imagination is supposed to be the part of us that makes uniquely our own. It certainly does allow us to seen our self examination to be bearable, as stated in the movie.
Since my TBI I believe that I have had my battles with with self examination by worrying too much about what others who do not know I have had a brain injury may think, and worrying too much about the things that I cannot change. I have successfully pushed away people that only want the best for me, and focused too much on my own feelings while casting theirs aside. This is not something that is done on purpose or thought about before it happens. It is only after the fact that you can see that you may or may not have made a mistake.
I will be the first to say that their are some thoughts and feelings in my head since my injury that I will not back down from. They may not be the most popular or agreed upon by many but they are mine. I have stated before that the one thing that cannot be taken from the injured is their opinion. If there is one thing that can be learned from the past posts that I have made in this blog, it should be to not try and take the opinions away from others or their feelings. I will also admit that some of my thought process is a little bull headed. I don’t want to give up the way I feel even if I know that I am not correct. I don’t know why that happens but could it be because I have lost other things that were mine? Things that I could say only belonged to me? I can become very bull headed and very set in my ways. and it can be detrimental to the way that I like to conduct myself. I could speak of many incidents, one that happened as early as lunch time today, but that would be frivolous to go into detail.
I am going to simply leave this by saying that by not checking your feelings at the door when dealing with or caring for a TBI survivor you could be in for a long and emotional journey.