First of all I have to apologize again for not being here as often as I would like to be. I don’t really have an excuse except the maple syrup season was hear from Late February until two weeks ago. That has kept me more than busy. I have started helping a local syrup producer with his production. He and his family have been producing for over 20 years. I have also been doing alot of research on honey bees because my brother and I are going to start some hives and produce honey. For those of you who still read my posts I want to thank you very much for sticking with me
Well the time has come that I finally will have to swallow my pride and go see a counselor. I have been putting it off for a long time but I know that the time is now or never. My wife tells me that she can see it in my eyes when I am going to get frustrated. She knows it before I do. I have alot of great things going on in my life, but when I get frustrated I cannot see past those feelings easily. I have a hard time focusing, and concentrating, my sleep pattern goes crazy, and I always am feeling tired. I always wonder if this is something that is only a problem for me and feel that I am weak. I know that I am not the only person that feels this way, and I am not the only one that struggles with these feelings. I belong to a Facebook page that is for TBI survivors and caregivers. Very recently one of the members of the group performed a song on there that is absolutely perfect for the way that me and others feel. I am going to share the link with you before the end of this blog. The song actually made me well up with tears. That is not something that I openly admit to people but as always I promised complete honesty.
It seems that I have become emotional more frequently. It is not a mad emotional, I just get very frustrated. Sometimes I just want to be alone, and sometimes I cant stand to be alone. There is usually no rhyme or reason why or when it happens. An example of this is from the other night. My wife made a homemade pizza. I cut the pizza like I always do and after she was done putting a piece on her plate I was going to put one on mine. I had to kind of tilt my plate a little to make it easier to get it from the pan to the plate. When I did this some of the toppings came off of my slice. I squeezed my plate as hard as I could and then dropped it into the sink. I picked up the pizza pan and wanted to toss the whole thing across the kitchen. I knew that this was not an acceptable solution so I dropped the pan and I went out on the front porch so I could be alone and cool down.
The plus side is that I was able to know that what i was going to do was wrong and I did not do it. There are other times that things are not so easy. Usually it is because I let my mouth say things that I actually cant stop. I may have said this before but it is similar to when a person ducks out of instinct when something is coming towards their head. I speak that way sometimes. I just say it then I think about it and wonder why that just happened. Fortunately I haven’t got myself into too much trouble with my wife. Of course I do get that look once in awhile. You know the one that says “you better watch it Mr.” We usually can laugh about it later but not always.
I think I have said enough today so I am going to give you the link to the song performed by Miss Audrey Bellah. Please go and listen to her rendition of this song. It is a very moving performance