I would like to talk about a subject that is very hard to talk about and I am afraid that I am going to make some people mad with this, but I always said that I will post with honesty. Recently I have been in a downward spiral as you should be familiar with by now. My family has done everything that they can to help me bust out of it, but honestly there is nothing they can do. It is a process that takes time. Sometimes a day or two other times it takes months.
I have a very unique situation. My wife and I are friends with my neurologist and nurse practitioner. There are times when I will say things to my wife that may sometimes scare her, but I do it in the comfort of our home in my safe space. When some of those comments go to the people that care for me without me knowing it can be very frustrating and give a really bad feeling leading to anger. I know that she is doing it for the right reasons. She has been a neurological nurse for years and she knows a red flag when she sees one. With that being said, should I not be the one that knows if a red flag goes up and not just the results of a bad day.
On one occasion when it came to my recent depressed moods, a caregiver told my wife that maybe I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I love this caregiver as if she was a sister to me which made it even worse. Not only was this being said as a caregiver but I also saw it as an attack from someone that I love and respect. Where does this leave me. It is a very confusing track to ride on when your spouse works 100 feet away from your caregivers on a daily basis.
Fortunately for me I have recovered very well from and accident that should have killed me. I am pretty normal for the most part. i have feelings like a man and do not like to be ambushed from all sides because of that. If I feel like I am being pushed into a corner or ambushed there are only two ways to escape. I can either back down and give in and say “yes you are right”, or I can come out of that corner swinging (figuratively speaking) to show them that I am not weak and that I can take care of myself. I am not so naive to think that I am 100% normal or that I ever will be. It shows itself to me daily that I am not in one way or another. The problem comes when someone actually says “I know what you feel and what you are going through.” Bullshit. Unless you have had my injury and been in my head you do not know what I am thinking or how I feel. All of the those diplomas on your wall do not make you an expert on human feelings on all cases. You ask anyone that knows anything about brain injuries, they will tell you that each case is different. therefore until you have cared for every case, you will not know. I agree that those diplomas are life savers and are very necessary for the injured to improve and continue to improve in life. Please do not think that I am bashing education. without those Dr’s. I would not have survived my TBI.
In closing I am just going to leave it like this. If you are a caregiver and you are going to spill the beans to a medical professional about a conversation you had with your injured it would be very wise for you to keep that to yourself.