Biting the tongue hurts

Anyone that has read my writings for any length of time knows that I am pretty easy to get along with. You know that I try to reason before i speak my mind. I can not seem to reason with the things that are happening right before our very eyes. The entire world is changing and we seem to blinded by hope. Especially here on the home front. As US a US citizen, I feel disrespected, ashamed, and lied to. Why? I am glad you asked. Let me start with this. Thousands upon thousands of our service members or veterans are struggling to get by, but the VA is building million dollar lobbies for the VA hospitals. It looks good, but what good does it do? Politicians are spending 800,000 plus in “gov’t” spending on a trip to Vegas, plus $$$$$ on personal vacations. This while being a part of gov’t that is set up to overlook gov’t spending. Multiple members of DHS have suddenly retired and the AG is retiring. After giving 10000+ soldiers their pink slip, he signs a bill to allow illegal aliens to join our military. Is this starting to rub anyone the wrong way? We are all being played like a fiddle and laughed at by the rest of the world. The world dislikes America to the point of attacking us. Can you blame them? What would we think if another country decided to be the world police force. If they occupied countries and tried to change their gov’t. If they gave weapons and airstrikes to our enemies? The gov’t is turning this country in to a straight up bully while the people of the country will pay the price. We pay for the immigrants, we pay for the wars, we pay for the rebuilding of countries, and we forget about the ones who built and keep this country strong. We arm the ones who we wanted to kill a year ago, and the US citizen cannot get ammo to hunt for sport. When the weapon that has been supplied to the recent enemy is taken by the new enemy, what do you think is going to happen to that weapon and ammo? It will be used against us. I don’t even want to get started on the “fast and furious scandal,” which the data may be finally coming out to the public. Isn’t it convenient that the Attorney General is stepping down and the scandal that he covered is coming out to the public. Still feel safe with your gov’t? I have no ore faith in our leaders. The top of the chain would rather hold his coffee and salute a marine that protects this country in the same hand instead of simply moving the coffee to the other hand. If you wanna give me the “president doesn’t need to salute story,” save your breath. I know hoe the code of conduct reads, but it is a crock of shit what he has done. We now can say that the ISIS has possibly hit our land with the beheading of the female in Oklahoma. Eventually, we the people will wake up, I am ready for the things that we cannot prepare for, are you? I certainly hope so. This country is great, but the ship is sinking!!



When must being nice take a break?

English: US Marine Corps Senior Drill Instruct...

English: US Marine Corps Senior Drill Instructor Staff Sergeant T. Warren, Platoon 1057, Bravo Company, 1st Recruit Training Battalion, stands at parade rest while waiting for the Battalion Commander aboard , . The Battalion Commander is inspecting the B CO recruits as they wrap up their final week of recruit training. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When enough turns out to be too much, how you choose to fight the battle can be tricky. One downside to having a traumatic brain injury is that the mind can switch from zero to mach 4 in a heartbeat. I am very fortunate to be able to see this happening more often than not. That vision allows me to think before I speak or act. In the last month or so, there has been a few things that I have been faced with that has put me close to the breaking point. I am a very tolerant person, and pretty easy to get along with for the most part.However, when enough becomes enough, it is time to take action. I contracted a company to do some work at my house on the outside. They are a large company with a pretty good reputation. I don’t think that seamless gutters and soffit fascia, should take a year and a half. The actual work was done, but many problems came from them. Several calls to the company went without results. Finally after a year and a half, I took action and went bat shit crazy on the company. A representative will be here in 3 days. The second one, which is a much much bigger problem is one that I cannot give details about yet. Trust me when I say, if you want to make a person very angry, mess with their pay. To make it worse, mess with the others pay as well. Hopefully, this will be resolved very quickly and the red color in my neck will be able to fade away. Top all of that off with a few changes in your recovery state from a TBI,  the perfect storm is brewing. This is when the ability to separate frustration from anger comes into play. The nice guy mentality has the tendency to fade away very quickly. I have Ann to keep me in my shoes. Hooray for that. She hates to see me get upset. When I do get to that point, the caring wife, or the drill sergeant comes out of her, whichever is needed. I am very thankful for both sides of her. She keeps me focused on reality, instead of what would make me happy for the short term. What I am slowly learning is that getting prematurely frustrated and angry is not the best way to go about solving problems. Sometimes it just feels good to let it loose, but when the euphoria subsides, the problem is still there and still needs to be solved. With her by my side, there is no mountain that I can’t climb!!



Today was one of those days where a quick decision was made to either face adversity by letting it pass, or going to battle. I try to think before I act, therefore I chose to let it slide. There are a few sentences that a TBI survivor can get very defensive over when they are brought up. Today was one of those days for me. We all know pretty much how the day is going to go for us when we roll out of bed. Today I woke up and was faced with a lot of stress, I had no idea where it came from. There was multiple things racing through my mind that just took off as soon as I opened my eyes. I could have very easily used this to my advantage when faced with adversity. When I was asked “if I was crazy” I let it slide. In a room full of other people I could have very easily made this guy feel like a moron when when I beat him down with words.( I am pretty proud of the way my mind can beat some ass when necessary.) Instead I let it go for the sake of the others in the room. My point is that when faced with adversity our decisions must be quick, clear and concise. Once that decision is made, stick to your guns and see it through to the end. That will keep you from thinking that you are crazy. Adversity can make you or break you. Look before you leap!!

The Lone Wolf

Akela, the Lone Wolf

Akela, the Lone Wolf (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Lone Wolf, the self proclaimed bad ass that decides it is time to separate from the pack and go it alone. From the outside looking in, and at the surface this looks like the place to be, but is it really? It has its positives. Dance to the beat of your own drum, live on your own terms, come and go as you please, no one to judge or downgrade your way of thinking, and no accountability for your actions in most cases. This seems pretty cool to be the lone wolf, until you go in the den of a lone wolf and see the truth behind the lifestyle. What can’t be seen from the outside is the pain that the wolf suffers from everyday. the worst part of it is, it is done by choice. All of this can be avoided if this wolf would just become part of the pack. All lone wolves have their strength and can get by with what they have and what they are capable of. What the lone wolf is missing is the strength in numbers. It is very easy to see that numbers gives you the upper hand. I can see like an eagle, but I have no smell. I need the other wolves to smell, so I can see. I need the other wolves to protect my back from enemies. I need the other wolves to give me a quick nip to the leg when I decide that something looks like fun, when in actuality it could be catastrophic. Humans are the same way. Being the lone wolf looks good for awhile, but eventually it bites you in the butt. Personally I like to have a pack of wolves with me to protect me, watch after me, and add to my strengths. I have a tendency to rogue once in awhile, test the waters of authority, or just go about things in my own way. That does not mean that I am going to leave my pack. They will always be there to lick my wounds when I return to the den. When you stay out there for too long the pack will move on. You will then be left in your den alone. When the end of the woods comes around, you are going to have regrets and wish that you would have done things differently. Don’t let your legend be the Lone Wolf, because if you go for the short term gratification of the lone wolf, you will pay dearly in the end.

Strive for AWESOMENESS, or live with mediocrity

Today I am pissed so this will be somewhat of a rant, with a very good subject pointed out. I am going to start with the obvious. Traumatic brain injury (TBI). Does it suck? yes. Is it hard to get people to see beyond the appearance of a person? yes. Are there bad days? yes. You know what sucks even more? People who do not have the want or the intent to be positive and accept the fact that it happened and move forward. Its not something that comes automatically. It takes work and the work is hard. I am sick of hearing people thinking that they are now stuck in an endless tunnel of shit without having a way out. This is what I hear daily in my interaction with other TBI’ers. “I got hit by a drunk driver, my life sucks, no one understands, blah blah blah” Of course drunk driver’s are morons, we all know that, and know one ever will understand anything but the bad side if you don’t stand up for yourself and think positive. We as human beings create the aura that surrounds us. If you want to be surrounded my negative people, then be negative. If you want to be surrounded by positive people then think positive. It truly is that simple. If you want to change the way that you are wired in thoughts, then start right now. The only way we can’t change the thought process is by being lazy, and there is a lot of that going around these days. We, as people, are allergic to being wrong or learning life lessons. That holds us back. If the only thing that you take from life is what you believe in right now, and the fear of being judged, then you are losing out, and are very naive. If you are proved wrong, look at things at a different light, or even make a few people mad because of how you think and carry yourself, its OK!!! I read a quote somewhere a quote that says this, “He that has no enemies, has no character.” I wish I remembered the author of that quote, it is not me, I know that much.

When it comes to everyday life there are two things that you can guarantee in conversation. There will be someone who listen, agrees, and wants to learn more. The other is, there is always someone that will disagree and possibly judge you. Who cares? We are far too scared to be judged. When you sit back and just watch life go by without taking a chance or worrying that you will be judged, YOU ARE JUDGING YOURSELF!! There is no bigger critic than yourself. If you can’t step out of your comfort zone for fear of being weak or wrong, then you will miss out on amazing lessons that others have to offer. Stand tall, be proud, do  not be afraid of judgement, and live life. Everyone is being wrongfully judged, but if you sit back and let it happen without a voice, then you most likely will deserve what you end up with. Strive for AWESOMENESS and you will be surprised what you can overcome!!!

9/11, Here We Go Again

I am sure that this post is going to piss some people off, but I really don’t care. On September 11th, a truly tragic event was brought upon the US by a group of cowards that were not man enough to come face to face with our people or our military. Many lives were lost and many more were affected for the remainder of their lives. This is about where the sympathy ends for me. 343 firefighters were killed on that day, as a firefighter myself, I can say that truly sucks. What about the other 2634 deaths of Americans. We don’t seem to remember the overall number on any other day. If you add in the 19 cowards you have a total of 2996 people. I don’t give a rat’s ass about the 19 terrorists, but that makes up the total number.  Far too often I hear people say that the firefighters entered the building knowing that they were going to die. Bullshit!! Was the possibility high that day? Yes. Did they go in there knowing that they were never coming out alive, I don’t think so. The command center was placed inside of the of the towers. This may have been the protocol, but I obviously do not know because I am not a member of that dept., and do not know their policies. What I can be almost certain of is if they knew that the towers collapses were possible, there may have been a change of plans. That is not for me to judge. On the most devastating attack on US soil, there were alot of brave men who took it upon themselves to go into harms way to do the job that they know and love. Unfortunately it did not end well for them and 2634 other US citizens, or their families. It does deserve remembrance, and we should be thankful for the job well done of saving many people.

Now we face another group of cowards that claim they will attack our country. This time we are ready, but we have our troops and money spread so far across the world, are we truly safer than we were before. I don’t think so. It is way past the time to keep our military on our own soil and protect the homeland. The days of trying to be the police force of the world needs to end. When will the idiots of D.C., and POTUS, realize this and do what we the people clearly see is better for the stability of this country, both safety wise, and financially. I feel for my grand children and their children, because at the rate we are going, we will sooner rather than later become a third world country. I love my country, I wish the politicians did!!!! God bless the families of  all lost on that day. To hell with the 19 cowardly assholes that caused it.



Judgement kills

Take a minute and think about the title here. How on Earth can judgement kill? This is going to be short and sweet, but I am going to tell you my opinions on how judgement kills. First off, and the rather obvious is that by judging others you are just hurting yourself. By passing judgement on another person, you are not giving yourself the chance to know what that person is all about. You write them off before you even have the chance to like that person or choose not to be associated with them. Whether you like the or not is ok, but to judge them and not be able to make a decision based on the person, you are allowing yourself to be sold short.

Second, and maybe the one not seen by some of us is self judgement. We all do it, we all know it, and we can’t help it. We live in a society that tells us what is good and bad based on media. We as human beings think that because the rich and the famous look a certain way, that it is the only way that is right. That is not the only way that I think about self judgement.What if you judge yourself based on the actions that you perform daily? What if those actions have great intentions, but your self judgement slows you down to the point that your vision becomes foggy? I will give you my example of how my self judgement is destroying a part of me that is in fact one of the best parts of me. Since my TBI I have worked tirelessly to try and help others see things on the positive side. That little silver lining that helps us keep going on our rough days. These silver linings are everywhere, we just don’t look hard enough at times. I have worked so hard at helping others that sometimes I forget about what is best for me. I am not saying that I am the master of helping others, because that cannot be further from the truth, but I do my best. It becomes exhausting at times. If I take a day off from talking to others about TBI I feel like I am letting people down. I judge myself to the point that I will stay up late at night to be sure that I do not let anyone down. The only person that is let down in the end is me, because of that judgement. People do not expect me to talk with them, I expect me to talk with them. Eventually there comes a breaking point where I just shit down and it can take days to bounce back. That is something that I do not enjoy, but because of my self judgement I keep putting myself there. It is time for change.

Do not let judgement rob you of making new friends, or beat yourself up because you feel that you are not good enough. When it is all said and done that JUDGEMENT KILLS