Cheating with “The Lone Wolf”


I am going to cheat a little today and repost a writing that I have posted before. I had this mentality recently after a long hiatus from it. I don’t like being the “Lone Wolf”  mentality and I was able to snap myself out pretty quickly. Persistence, motivation and drive to stay positive is paying off, and now I give unto you, lol,  Lone Wolf” repeat.

The Lone Wolf, the self proclaimed bad ass that decides it is time to separate from the pack and go it alone. From the outside looking in, and at the surface this looks like the place to be, but is it really? It has its positives. Dance to the beat of your own drum, live on your own terms, come and go as you please, no one to judge or downgrade your way of thinking, and no accountability for your actions in most cases. This seems pretty cool to be the lone wolf, until you go in the den of a lone wolf and see the truth behind the lifestyle. What can’t be seen from the outside is the pain that the wolf suffers from everyday. the worst part of it is, it is done by choice. All of this can be avoided if this wolf would just become part of the pack. All lone wolves have their strength and can get by with what they have and what they are capable of. What the lone wolf is missing is the strength in numbers. It is very easy to see that numbers gives you the upper hand. I can see like an eagle, but I have no smell. I need the other wolves to smell, so I can see. I need the other wolves to protect my back from enemies. I need the other wolves to give me a quick nip to the leg when I decide that something looks like fun, when in actuality it could be catastrophic. Humans are the same way. Being the lone wolf looks good for awhile, but eventually it bites you in the butt. Personally I like to have a pack of wolves with me to protect me, watch after me, and add to my strengths. I have a tendency to rogue once in awhile, test the waters of authority, or just go about things in my own way. That does not mean that I am going to leave my pack. They will always be there to lick my wounds when I return to the den. When you stay out there for too long the pack will move on. You will then be left in your den alone. When the end of the woods comes around, you are going to have regrets and wish that you would have done things differently. Don’t let your legend be the Lone Wolf, because if you go for the short term gratification of the lone wolf, you may regret it in the end

Akela, the Lone Wolf

Akela, the Lone Wolf (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1 in 324,661,586


According tot he US population clock, at this very moment the population in the United States is 324,661,586, and negativity is everywhere we look, EVERYWHERE. As a person, if you are one of the less fortunate that swims in a pool of negativity, open up your eyes, look around, and embrace what you have around you.  Think about this for just a second. You have a 1 in 326 million chance of reading this if you live in the US right? This may seem a little satirical to you, but think about it. If you live your life in the negative and pity because only 10 people care about how you feel that should say something. Only 10 people of 326 million people give a shit about your negative feelings. Now compare that to 10 people that care that you are having a great day. It only stands to reason that your 10 people that care about your great day will grow, and your 10 people that care about the negative will shrink. The country has enough negativity, your 10 people do not want to hear more, in a short period of time that number will shrink. On the opposite end, the good 10 will grow. If you simply begin to be positive about something, you will tip the scales rather quickly with the number of people in your circle that actually give a hit, because they want to give a shit, not because they have to listen to you whine. If you are having any trouble finding something positive, here is one to start worth. You are lucky, 1 in 326,000,000 lucky to have read this post…(yes, i’m smiling) now share this with your friends so they can smile too.

Beyond the Badge


I just received an email from the Brain Injury Association of PA, (BIAPA) to notify me that my submission for presentation at the state conference has been accepted. I believe that my TBI is a badge of life that I am proud to wear. The title, “Beyond the Badge” is important to me because some of the things that plague survivors and caregivers of TBI are similar to the things that can plague emergency responders, and the military.

Survivors tend to seem recovered to most once the physical recovery is complete, for lack of better words. What cannot be seen is what lingers in the background for a very long time, and possibly forever, time will tell.  Those who wear the badge, and our military are strong and respected, in most cases, what lacks is looking behind the uniform to see what lies within the person.

The physical recovery, or the uniform are signs of strength, and that is good, it can seem that when the smoke clears from physical injuries, and the uniform comes off things are back to normal. The storm has past, what people don’t see is that the storm has just begun. Memories, dreams, situations, pride, lack of self esteem, guilt, depression, and many more are hidden from plain view in an effort to please the people around us, and give ourselves the feeling of strength.

The stigma that is associated with admitting we may need some support stops people from extending our arms for help. The results from this lack of reaching out can have catastrophic consequences, including the taking of ones life. The support is there, tap into it. Family, friends, co-workers and mental health professionals are all options. I am not going to say that any one is better than the other, but it a starting point.

With that all being said, I am a firm believer that the people around us, especially the mental health community can learn a lot from the person behind the badge. Learning by book is a needed and important tool in the education of professionals, but in my opinion learning from the ones that have experienced it, that are willing and able to articulate it, can be just as if not more valuable. The thought process and reasons for thoughts or emotions could be used to assist other clients by adding a new tool to the tool box. The information learned could be applied to care plan objectives leading to a faster, and or better outcome for the client.

I may be getting a little of course here so I will end this now. The takeaway from this is that if you are in the weeds and feeling lost, reach out for help, I did, and made a substantial difference in the quality of my life. Do not be afraid or embarrassed, either the people around you will agree and accept your willingness, if not, maybe they aren’t the people that you want in your circle to begin with.

23 a Day


Some people probably saw the title of this and just clicked right through it because this title makes no sense, or doesn’t know what it means. I am going to shed some light on the significance of this title in a short but to the point fashion. 23 a day is the number of veterans or active duty military personnel commit suicide. That is 1 every 65 minutes, every day. Speaking as a veteran and a concerned citizen, that number is not acceptable. Our military is the most dedicated and least selfish fighting force in the world. It shows in their actions, the job that they do, and no complaining for being asked to go to combat at the drop of a hat. Everybody loves a soldier when they are in combat because we feel for them being away and in a hostile environment. What do we do when they return from that hostile environment. Pretty much as a society, we forget that they were there. The tour has ended, the conflict comes to a close, and then we go about our lives and forget about this brave fighting force. Oh wait, let me take that back. We forget about them unless there is a controversial story involving a veteran or soldier. They return to criticism because they have changed, or have a different outlook. Families are lost, homeless and alone, just to name a few. That is about to change. I have recently become a member of an all volunteer organization that provides support and resources to our troops. This organization is called Warrior Pointe. The most compassionate group of people I have met in quite some time, willing to drop everything and come together for the same cause, helping veterans. Warrior Pointe is run by former or acting military only. Always looking for more veterans who love their country and care for others, I am going to post a link to this all volunteer force to be reckined with. The mission is simple, yet hard work. That #23 will be brought to zero if Warrior Pointe has anything to do with it!!!   If you are veteran and would love to make a difference, I would ask you to take a look at this organization.

 http://www.warriorpointe.org/

Biting the tongue hurts


Anyone that has read my writings for any length of time knows that I am pretty easy to get along with. You know that I try to reason before i speak my mind. I can not seem to reason with the things that are happening right before our very eyes. The entire world is changing and we seem to blinded by hope. Especially here on the home front. As US a US citizen, I feel disrespected, ashamed, and lied to. Why? I am glad you asked. Let me start with this. Thousands upon thousands of our service members or veterans are struggling to get by, but the VA is building million dollar lobbies for the VA hospitals. It looks good, but what good does it do? Politicians are spending 800,000 plus in “gov’t” spending on a trip to Vegas, plus $$$$$ on personal vacations. This while being a part of gov’t that is set up to overlook gov’t spending. Multiple members of DHS have suddenly retired and the AG is retiring. After giving 10000+ soldiers their pink slip, he signs a bill to allow illegal aliens to join our military. Is this starting to rub anyone the wrong way? We are all being played like a fiddle and laughed at by the rest of the world. The world dislikes America to the point of attacking us. Can you blame them? What would we think if another country decided to be the world police force. If they occupied countries and tried to change their gov’t. If they gave weapons and airstrikes to our enemies? The gov’t is turning this country in to a straight up bully while the people of the country will pay the price. We pay for the immigrants, we pay for the wars, we pay for the rebuilding of countries, and we forget about the ones who built and keep this country strong. We arm the ones who we wanted to kill a year ago, and the US citizen cannot get ammo to hunt for sport. When the weapon that has been supplied to the recent enemy is taken by the new enemy, what do you think is going to happen to that weapon and ammo? It will be used against us. I don’t even want to get started on the “fast and furious scandal,” which the data may be finally coming out to the public. Isn’t it convenient that the Attorney General is stepping down and the scandal that he covered is coming out to the public. Still feel safe with your gov’t? I have no ore faith in our leaders. The top of the chain would rather hold his coffee and salute a marine that protects this country in the same hand instead of simply moving the coffee to the other hand. If you wanna give me the “president doesn’t need to salute story,” save your breath. I know hoe the code of conduct reads, but it is a crock of shit what he has done. We now can say that the ISIS has possibly hit our land with the beheading of the female in Oklahoma. Eventually, we the people will wake up, I am ready for the things that we cannot prepare for, are you? I certainly hope so. This country is great, but the ship is sinking!!

 

The Lone Wolf


Akela, the Lone Wolf

Akela, the Lone Wolf (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Lone Wolf, the self proclaimed bad ass that decides it is time to separate from the pack and go it alone. From the outside looking in, and at the surface this looks like the place to be, but is it really? It has its positives. Dance to the beat of your own drum, live on your own terms, come and go as you please, no one to judge or downgrade your way of thinking, and no accountability for your actions in most cases. This seems pretty cool to be the lone wolf, until you go in the den of a lone wolf and see the truth behind the lifestyle. What can’t be seen from the outside is the pain that the wolf suffers from everyday. the worst part of it is, it is done by choice. All of this can be avoided if this wolf would just become part of the pack. All lone wolves have their strength and can get by with what they have and what they are capable of. What the lone wolf is missing is the strength in numbers. It is very easy to see that numbers gives you the upper hand. I can see like an eagle, but I have no smell. I need the other wolves to smell, so I can see. I need the other wolves to protect my back from enemies. I need the other wolves to give me a quick nip to the leg when I decide that something looks like fun, when in actuality it could be catastrophic. Humans are the same way. Being the lone wolf looks good for awhile, but eventually it bites you in the butt. Personally I like to have a pack of wolves with me to protect me, watch after me, and add to my strengths. I have a tendency to rogue once in awhile, test the waters of authority, or just go about things in my own way. That does not mean that I am going to leave my pack. They will always be there to lick my wounds when I return to the den. When you stay out there for too long the pack will move on. You will then be left in your den alone. When the end of the woods comes around, you are going to have regrets and wish that you would have done things differently. Don’t let your legend be the Lone Wolf, because if you go for the short term gratification of the lone wolf, you will pay dearly in the end.

Emotions that turn physical


How often does our body take an emotion and turn it into a physical feeling? I think that it happens every time, we just don’t realize it. Everything that we think and feel emotionally also has a physical reaction within us. Normally they are very subtle, to the point that we don’t pay attention, or realize it. A deep breath, a chill, a knot in my stomach, a movement in my leg or arm, or clenching the hands or toes. They happen all of the time. I only learned how to see this happening recently, after it was brought to my attention. It may not seem like that big of a  deal to most, and it may not be a big deal. It means a lot to me because it helps me in my ongoing recovery. One thing that this injury has left with me, is the inability to see things for what they are. I am always judging myself, or constantly planning ahead to make sure that I have an answer to things that happen way before they happen, just in case they do. It is a very exhausting part of my day. I break everything down to the simplest terms so I can take those details to form an answer. This gives me the upper hand controlling my thoughts when faced with situations that I have planned for. Trigger points are something that I try to plan for because I it will happen and I am very well aware of some of those trigger points. This week was my wife’s birthday. I took her out for dinner at one of her favorite places to eat. She knows that I have to have my back to the least amount of people possible. I always choose my seat based upon where i will feel the most comfortable. I tried to change it up a bit at dinner. I purposely sat in a place that normally would drive me to the edge. I thought I was doing pretty good until Ann asked me why I was being so quiet. That is when I took the time to feel what my body was doing. I was listening to every noise that I heard. I was listening to people talking and babies laughing and footsteps from the wait staff. I could hear the fajitas sizzling in the kitchen and on the cast iron serving plates when they came out of the kitchen. I was constantly scanning the room to watch what was happening around me. This made me very nervous, so I wasn’t talking to Ann because I was too worried about what was going to happen to me because I was not able to take in the surroundings like I normally do. I was bouncing my leg and curling my toes. I didn’t realize it until she pointed it out. What I am trying to point out when it comes to my recovery is this. If I try to pay attention to how things are making me feel at the time, it may help me identify my trigger points. When a trigger point is discovered by me, my ability to control the end result is much easier. When I am caught off guard by a trigger point, the outcome is unknown

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

, and the trigger point vanishes into thin air without me realizing what it was. Physical emotions are helping me slowly