Goals suck, missions lead to success!

Over the course of a month, I talk with hundreds of survivors or caregivers. I never attempt to tell someone what will work, or what will not, we simply talk and share our story. With that being said, there is a trend that I have seen over the last three to four years, GOALS SUCK!!
This came to light yesterdays in a conversation where I was challenged on my thought process about goals vs. missions. When you really sit down and look at the difference between the two, it is hard to argue that a mission will lead to success/results more often than not.

A goal is something that we all have or have had throughout our entire existence, and I am willing to bet that most of those goals never came to fruition. A goal can be realistic or not realistic at all, and there is no path in place to accomplish a goal, in my opinion that leads to failure or not reaching that goal.

A mission, on the other hand, is not just a thought and a hope for success. A mission is a thought out result that requires planning and requires action to achieve the result wanted.

I will use the example of a police officer. Almost every young boy says that he wants to be a police officer or a firefighter when they are growing up. That can be followed in two ways. One way is simply to say that I hope to be a police officer some day. That in simple terms is a goal, most likely wont happen. The second way is to make it a mission with planning and well thought out actions. Those actions could include college courses that may be needed for the job, first responder training, weapon safety, staying in top physical conditions, and being comfortable with speaking to people from all walks of life.

As a survivor, we all have our sights set on the best outcome for ourselves and everyone around us. If I would have set my recovery success as goals instead of missions, and not held myself accountable for succeeding or failing the missions, I would not have been able to get back to where I am today.

I hope that you take away from this that by setting goals, you are cheating yourself from results, missions lead to success!!


Trending Now

I am going to keep this very short and to the point. Recently as I go about my day I am seeing a trend that strikes me as very disrespectful. It seems lately that anything that goes wrong to someone that has a TBI, that the TBI is to blame. I am not saying that things do not happen that can be tied directly to an injury. The point is that just because we have TBI does not mean that we get a free pass for our actions. The days in this country of always placing blame and not accepting the consequences of our actions is disturbing. This mindset is not only happening, it also being shared by the TBI community, and in some instances accepted as a fact. If you want to see a stigma attached to TBI survivors of reckless actions, and inability to process your thoughts as the normal for survivors, then keep on spreading the poison. If you truly want to stand up and be heard, quit blaming your injury for everything that goes wrong. take responsibility. This attitude is not healthy, and it is irresponsible for others to feed into it, especially when in most cases the facts show otherwise.

The Chinese Finger Trap

Tonight is going to be short and sweet and hopefully I dont get off course.

When you hear the words “Chinese Finger trap” what do you think of. I think I can safely say that we all think of that little toy that we put our fingers in and then we cant get them out no matter how hard we pull. That is what I always thought until I was shown another way to think about it. Sometimes I get a little confused about how to accomplish my tasks for the best results. There is a very smart woman that I speak with who gave me the other definition.

I recently talked about how there is no middle road for me. I fight and fight and fight to get the results that I want when it comes to my abilities and emotions. When this happens to me I quickly become the finger trap. The harder I fight the more difficult it becomes to reach the desired outcome. The problem that I have is that I dont see this until it is too late. In actuality if I slow down and stop fighting so hard I can usually find my way, sort of like the finger trap. The only outside force that is needed to remove your fingers is a thumb placed on the end of each side. The outside force that I have is myself. My outside force can easily be turned into a force inside of me which makes it much easier to control.

How is it that something so simple can be turned into something that you can relate to on another level. It truly freaks me out at times because these things are around you all of the time but we just can’t see them unless someone else shows us the way. When I get in the ring to fight that fight the only end result is going to be a KO. Reasoning with the fight and taking the time to see clearly, the fight can be reduced and the outcome will show up quickly which will put the mind st ease quicker and make you feel much more relaxed.

Remember when you get into that finger trap do yourself a favor and stay stress free by slowly making your way out without the fight.

Thank you!!!! You know who you are

Chinese finger trap (also known as Chinese fin...

Chinese finger trap (also known as Chinese finger prison, Chinese finger cuffs, Chinese finger puzzle, Chinese handcuffs, Mexican finger fun, Chinese finger torture and Mexican handcuffs) toys. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Started the week awesome!!

This week I was attempting to turn the page and become the most bad ass awesome guy that I know I can be. I was trying to get on a page that I belong to and attempted to help as many people as I could by starting every morning by saying “I am going to be AWESOME today by…..

I have been successful in some ways and very unsuccessful in others. I have been striving for other to say why they are going to be awesome each and everyday. I have 2 or three people that are catching on. There is well over 1000 members on this page that are either the injured, or the caregivers. My goal as a very lucky man by surviving and recovering so well was to help others. I feel like I have dropped the ball. I have not been writing on this page as much as I promised to, and i am not accomplishing my goals that I have set for myself. I love my wife more than anything on this Earth but because of me dropping my goals off in the ditch I get very frustrated easily. I hear all of the excuses from other people. My wife is not one of them but it goes like this. “You are over reacting. It is just in your head, you are stressed, you should feel grateful that you are alive. Well no shit Sherlock. It is in my head, I am stressed, sometimes I do overreact but not until minutes or hours afterwards do I see it that way. People seem to think that they know what they are talking about. Walk a mile in the shoes of a person with this injury and you would be shocked. There is so much unknown about the brain, let alone a brain injury. Every injury is different and it isn’t feasible for these very well trained and educated people to live the injury. My neurologist is awesome and I love him to death, but I wish I could put him in my position to make him an even better neurologist. He is the best in the business but there is so much to be learned about brain injuries.

I also get frustrated because there is no awareness or education out there for people to see. You hear about an athlete getting a concussion or other injuries because it sells. The media is so worried about making money and selling stories that mean something nearly nobody. Michelle Obama holding a sign that I am sure she did not come up with the idea let alone write the sign herself. Give me a break. Why dont she take that time and do something useful. I do not mean talk about brain injuries either. I would be  really upset if that happened. Can anyone who is not the injured or caregiver tell me what color the ribbon is for TBI? I bet less than 3 in a hundred can do it. I love the fact that cancer gets so much attention because it deserves it. If we could get 10 percent of that attention we would be much further ahead than we are now. Someone needs to stand up and be the voice and take action to make this happen. Not one of us can do it alone, but as a team and as a solid bunch that will not break or settle for the word “no” we can and will make a difference. I started this week as an awesome fake to myself. I am going to try my best to make this happen. “WHO IS WITH ME?’

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Traumatic Brain Injuries Suck

I have thought about how I could write this post to afford people the best opportunity to see what goes on with a person’s mind that has had a TBI. This is my experience only, so please know that I am sure this is different from others. What I am going to attempt to do is keep this post open all day long and I am going to type into it at different times during the day whenever I feel like it. My post I make the rules.

I am going to begin this post at 0530 this morning while I was still at work. I got up and made coffee. Looked at the temperature because I know it s cold outside. It  is -6.3. Whew


Coffee (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

that is cold. Why do we have to have a digital thermometer to tell the temperature to the decimal point when we round down or up when we report to the National Weather Service anyway. OK now what. Lets do the morning chores. I could take out the trash right now but not put the dishes away yet because my co worker is still asleep like I should be. I don’t want to wake him. As I am making it to the back door with the trash I look at the steam coming out of the buildings. “There must not be any wind because it is all going straight up.” Dang it is cold out here. Time for a smoke. I am glad we turned the outside floor heaters on because there would be a lot of ice there if we didn’t. I wonder how thick it would be right now. I have to make sure we don’t wash the fire engine this morning or the roll up doors will freeze and we will be in trouble if we get a  fire. If we do get a fire, how am I going to keep the guys warm when they taking their break to have their vital signs checked. I wonder if my wife made it to work yet. She always leaves a little too early. I should call her to say hi. I don’t want to her to go 360 by looking for her phone. I wont call. I wasn’t very nice to her the day before I came to work. Actually I have been a little snappy to a lot of people lately. Actually the last month or two. I should work on that. Its too cold out there let’s go see if the coffee is done.

Coffee is done. I don’t know why I always fill my mug the whole way in the morning I always end up dumping some out. Oh well I paid for this pot I can dump the whole ting if I want but that would be dumb because then I would have to by another. (in our firehouse whoever empties the pot, buys the next one) I hope my Jeep doesn’t get cold feet and will start this morning. Wonder how cold it is now. -6.5. That is 2/10 of a degree colder. It doesn’t much matter now t’s cold. Maybe I will watch the news and take a 20 minute nap since i didn’t sleep tonight. Why are there so many useless random things in my mind right now? What’s the temperature in San Diego. I am going there in two weeks. I work during the Super Bowl, I should have wings for dinner that day. I think Denver will win, but Seattle has a pretty good defense. I hope Peyton Manning doesn’t get hurt too badly. He is a great quarterback and deserves this ring. I bet the ice in the river is thick right now. That is all for now. I am going home to take a nap after I go see the ice on the river on the way home. That would suck falling in there right now. I am home. Should I put the Jeep in the garage. Nope I don’t think it’s going to snow anymore. Recycling goes out tonight. Don’t forget to take your meds before you go into the living room or you will forget.  Good Night for awhile. How come I don’t ever remember my dreams. No seriously get some sleep. My ear is really ringing today. I will lay on that ear so the strong one is up. That would be dumb you are trying to go to sleep. Just lay down and get comfortable. Seriously this time. Good night. They put 80,000 people in there for the Super Bowl. It’s a good thing we have awesome security in this country. Sometimes too awesome, I won’t say any names but their initial are NSA. Good night.

Holy cow I actually got some sleep. I think I woke up when I heard the door, but not too sure. If it was the door they probably thought “great he’s sleeping again. Little known to them there has not been any sleep at all when we are supposed to be sleeping as humans. I wanna see the aurora borealis,, better known as the Northern Lights  sometime. We had all those little wind driven snow balls yesterday. They were pretty cool but put on Facebook way too much. My ear is really ringing a lot.  What makes your eyes feel like they are bouncing around in your head before you fall asleep. Is it all these random thoughts. I should go shovel the walk.

I am really sick of looking at these spots on my legs that my medication causes, and why do I shake every time I yawn. Is it too much to ask to have my hand stay still if I am showing someone something on my phone. Apparently it is because it never happens. I am getting a little tired of this stuff. Maybe it is all in my head and there is a  honeymoon phase that I have gone through just by surviving this injury and that phase is now over so I get frustrated now. Maybe it is just cabin fever but I doubt it because I wasn’t like this last Winter.

I am going to stop now because I don’t want this to be too long that people won’t read. I am going to keep notes for the next post. I only have 40 or so followers which is ok with me.By the way I am writing a book about this injury. It will not be set up like this obviously. I am not crazy, I have had a life changing really crazy injury. Part II to come. It is 4 pm right now.

English: A CT of the head years after a trauma...

English: A CT of the head years after a traumatic brain injury showing an empty space marked by the arrow were the damage occurred. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Held in long enough

I want to begin this post by  saying thank you to those of you that have chosen to take the time out of your day to read my posts. I really do appreciate it, and helps me to stay motivated to keep on writing. With that being said I have updates from the previous post that I would like to share as well as some  news that I have been holding in long enough. It is time to share.

The update that I have is that I have sent in my submission to be a speaker at the BIAPA. Brain Injury Association of Pennsylvania. Now it is a waiting game to see if it will be accepted and I will be a speaker at the state conference in June. I have to admit that it  was a little bit scary with my finger hovering over the send button before I sent the email out. I paused on it for about 10 seconds before I actually let it fly. My goal to reach people and share my story to hopefully help others cannot be reached by blogging alone. It is time to come out of my comfort zone a little bit more in order to reach these goals.

There are three people that I thank mainly for giving me the strength and confidence to get me to take the next step. First is my wife Ann of course. She would always support me no matter what I want to try or do. If I told her that I wanted to fly to the moon she would volunteer to go get the materials to start building the spaceship. Next is Miss P. She is a medical professional that helped care for me when I was injured as well as a personal friend. When I told her that I wanted to take this adventure she thought that it was a very good idea, and is going to help me put my presentation together if it is accepted for the conference. Finally, a woman that can see the good in what I am doing and the one who talked me into sharing this blog with people closer to me instead of just strangers on the internet. She is no stranger to a challenging time in life, and if you have followed the last couple of posts you have read about her as well. So even though you three wonderful people are  a part in of my life in very different ways,  I want to thank you for giving me the boost, or kick in the butt, whichever is necessary to help me see my goals. It is because of the respect that I have that I am not going to fail.

With that being said I am about to drop the new news. I have been doing some research for a couple of months now that has taken a toll on me because the amount of time that I have spent on it. I have kept it only in my mind and have not shared it with anyone. This is like a double edged sword. In one way it is very hard to not share something that is so important to yourself. with your wife and family. On the other hand, it actually kind of surreal to have something in your mind that is not known by another human being. It is not a major deal to anyone that is going to hear this I am sure, but it is to me and that is what is important in life. I decided that in order for me to reach the number of people that I want to reach and be able to fully tell my story, I am going to attempt to have a book published. I have been writing manuscript for some time now. As far as dealing with the injury alot of it will be similar to what i have written in this blog, but I will go into greater detail. There is also alot that I am adding that I have not discussed in this forum. There are so many people that can benefit from just a little bit of hope or a good story of success. I have been blessed by god to have been given a very positive outcome after the injury that I sustained. Others can recover too if they just allow themselves to be positive and when they end up in the weeds come out with more speed and motivation.

I am going to leave this post right here because I do not want to make it so long that people shy away. More updates to follow. 

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If you suddenly woke up in a hospital

English: A CT of the head years after a trauma...

English: A CT of the head years after a traumatic brain injury showing an empty space marked by the arrow were the damage occurred. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you suddenly woke up in a hospital after 5 days with a nearly fatal traumatic brain injury what would you think? What would you remember? Where would you go from there?

I am going to tell you my answers and many others in this blog with the intent of helping others that cannot see a bright light ahead of that very dark confusing tunnel