I am going to keep this very short and to the point. Recently as I go about my day I am seeing a trend that strikes me as very disrespectful. It seems lately that anything that goes wrong to someone that has a TBI, that the TBI is to blame. I am not saying that things do not happen that can be tied directly to an injury. The point is that just because we have TBI does not mean that we get a free pass for our actions. The days in this country of always placing blame and not accepting the consequences of our actions is disturbing. This mindset is not only happening, it also being shared by the TBI community, and in some instances accepted as a fact. If you want to see a stigma attached to TBI survivors of reckless actions, and inability to process your thoughts as the normal for survivors, then keep on spreading the poison. If you truly want to stand up and be heard, quit blaming your injury for everything that goes wrong. take responsibility. This attitude is not healthy, and it is irresponsible for others to feed into it, especially when in most cases the facts show otherwise.
Here we go again in the middle of the night and I should be sleeping but I find myself sitting in front of this laptop to see if my thoughts can be written when I am so ready to get some sleep. The only visible light is the light from the screen that I am typing on ad it is eerily quiet. My TBI caused me to have a hearing deficit in my left ear that is pretty substantial. Those of you that have followed me for some time have read about this before. I have a very hard time hearing in places with lots of background noise. The only thing worse than that to me is absolute silence. I have a constant ringing in my ear that multiplies in this silence. So the silence is actually deafening.
Tonight as I was attempting to go to sleep my thoughts started off with mathematics. I would come up with two numbers in my head and find the easiest way to come up with the solution to the problem and then use the calculator on my phone to see if I got the answer correct and quick. I will give you an example. I took 133×28. My easiest and quickest way to find the answer to that problem is not normal multiplication. I like to make it easier to figure out. I take 133×30 which gives me 3990. Then I subtract 28×2 or 56. 3990 – 56 is 3934. That is the easiest way for me to come up with the solution quickly. I know that this is not some new kind of mathematical system that I have discovered, but it is very helpful when I do my math. One of the other things that I find myself doing all the time now is when I go into a store and hand the cashier my money, I always come up with the amount of change that I am going to get back before the register shows it to me in numbers. That way when my math and the register numbers come out the same, I know that I am practicing my math skills. This may seem a little weird to some, but it actually does help your ability to think quicker when it comes to numbers.
Then I started with Washington and named all of the presidents. I learned how to do this when I was in 7th grade thanks to the choir teacher who had a fail safe way to memorize them. After all of these years it still works.
I actually like to make my brain work like this but there is no rhyme or reason as to why the subjects that i think about come up. My mind bounces around like a golf ball on a concrete road. Subject to subject and changes by the minute and sometimes by the second. I will take a sentence and then figure out as quickly as possible if the number of letters in the sentence is even or odd. LOL. I think alot of this has to to do with just being tired that makes me skip around like this but who knows. I listen very closely to the tone of ringing in my ear and see if I can guess when it is getting ready to switch to another tone. I haven’t mastered that one yet and I highly doubt that I ever will.
I will leave this post with a quote and probably be back on tomoro night for yet another exciting adventure of thoughts in “My Fall to Life”
Take time to be quiet. This is something that we don’t do enough in this busy world of ours. We rush, rush, rush, and we are constantly listening to noise all around us. The human heart was meant for times of quiet, to peer deep within. It is when we do this that our hearts are set free to soar and take flight on the wings of our own dreams! Schedule some quiet “dream time” this week. No other people. No cell phone. No computer. Just you, a pad, a pen, and your thoughts.
~ Jim Rohn